Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The things I'd really like to say to you, 'friend'.

It's always a little bit funny when you wake up and things go wrong, and you just KNOW that it's going to be one of 'those' days. Yesterday was one of them.

I'm a bit of a clutz. I bang my knees, stub my toes and drop things. And when you're sleep deprived and working copious hours a day it's just a recipe for disaster. Yesterday morning as I was getting the kids ready and whilst in a mad rush to be out of the door by 7:10am, I dropped my breakfast. I managed to fumble and keep the bowl in my hands, but the contents splashed all over my black kitchen floor.

It was going to be one of those days.

The rest of my day continued as normal. I got stuck in traffic, forgot to put my iphone on charge so I was madly trying to charge it on the drive into work. I forgot to pack my own lunch so fed myself on several coffees and a packet of grain waves.

And just as I got home, got the kids home and settled down out of my work clothes, I got an SMS from a 'friend'. The type of SMS that leaves you completely dumbfounded, shocked and angry. I was attacked, in 50 words or less.

Attacked because an SMS conversation we were having over the weekend wasn't continued. Because intentions for us to catch up weren't followed through. And because I apparently only make contact to 'show off' or invite her to 'some over the top party'.

As I sat there with my jaw hanging to the floor, I was stumped. I instantly hurt, and I found myself reading it over and over again and taking notice of the incredibly harsh words that were evident to have been brewing for some time. And all I could do was say that I don't tolerate being treated that way. And I walked away. And it's only now that I've had time to think about things, I've realised there was SO much more I wanted to say and just couldn't.

So here, 'friend'. From one mama to another, here's what I would have liked to have said...

I AM a shittier friend than usual, I am STRUGGLING to juggle everything. I am organised, I manage my time well, but lately there have been occasions where no matter how organised, there's just not enough time in the day - and any time that I have is spent with my kids, or my husband. And yes, I receive your messages, I receive everyone's messages. But like most people if I am not able to reply at that very moment, it is occasionally forgotten. And it's not because I don't like you, or think less of you, but it's because I am struggling and I am finding it hard to work out where things are up to. If things are urgent or important, pick up the phone and call me. Otherwise I will treat SMS'ing as a means of conversation where you can reply at one's convenience.

I have friends and cherish those friendships that respect we each have separate lives. And that no matter how long between 'catch-ups', nothing changes - it's as if no time has passed and we are able to pick up where things were left previously.

I don't want to reply to you while I am changing a nappy. I don't want to reply to you when I am sitting on the toilet. I want to reply to you when I have a moment long enough to concentrate and give you the time and attention you deserve. And I wasn't given that opportunity. You're a mum, and a wife. And I am disappointed that you don't know any better.

So thank you. Thank you for making me feel like the worst person in the world because you had such high expectations of a friendship - which you did little to maintain. But thank you most of all, for showing me that this particular friendship has run it's course.

The thing is the more people I speak with or the more people I open up to, the more I hear about these same situations that take place within our friendships. It's not the first time this has happened to me, and I am sure it won't be the last... but it still boggles me as to why someone you would consider a 'friend' would turn on you, just because you're a little bit busier than you were before.

Do they expect us to sit at home and twiddle our thumbs between SMS'es and/or the times we catch up? Are they even happy for us that we're out doing something for ourselves? Are they even happy that we're happy?

Do they even care?

All I know is that today, I am a friend shorter than I was yesterday. And whilst I am sad and a little bit resentful, I feel better knowing that I am definitely not alone, and that the time I do have is not wasted on this 'friend'. And those friendships I have with those that appreciate me, realistically, deserve my time too...

1 comment:

  1. You have said it well.

    Everyone is sometimes very busy, and SMS or what's app Posts you forget easily.

    I have only 1 friend, the rest I'm lost when I became a mother, Some forget that you get a very different life when you get married and have children.

    First I thought it was really terrible, I was sad, later I thought you were not worth me, you were not really friends

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