Us Vs. The non-talking Toddler

As seen in SA Kids Parenting Magazine: May/June 2013





Our little man has found his voice. He has also found the floor, his limbs and his sense of desire. If he wants something he can’t have, the voice, the floor and his limbs culminate in a trifecta of disaster, otherwise known as a tantrum.

Tantrums are completely foreign to me – I remember my first exposure to this a month or so ago when he wanted some (more) tomato sauce. He dropped to the floor and scrambled around on his belly, then rolled onto his back, kicking and screaming.

I must admit that I laughed. I found it comical that someone could get so worked up over tomato sauce. Was it really worth the effort? I called my husband into the kitchen to observe. We giggled together and let him have his little dummy spit. And he got over it.

We learnt very quickly that this wasn’t a once off – tantrums form part of our day-to-day life now, almost as frequent as the nappy changes.

As a parent, I’m finding this phase of development a challenge. I’ve dealt with the sleepless nights and reflux/colic, and we’ve recently been exposed to the fun that comes with night terrors. But tantrums? This is a whole new realm of fun!

The language barrier is a real challenge for us. All we want to do is cuddle him and talk him through his frustration, but how on earth do you talk to a toddler that doesn’t understand a word you say? And conversely he can’t tell us what’s wrong –although he’s very good at pointing his finger and telling us to ‘look’. At everything.

When it comes to tantrums, we’ve had to accept it’s pointless trying to talk him through it and reason with him. He’s a toddler, he’s 19 months old and he just wants what he wants.

We know he won’t understand reason until his development is at a point where he can comprehend what we’re saying, so explaining/bargaining with him is lost. We just have to allow him to get his frustrations out, while standing our ground about what he can and can’t have.

He’s not being naughty – he’s expressing his frustrations in the only way he knows how at the moment. As parents we need to allow him that outlet, and focus on encouraging his language development. Love him, nurture him and have a secret giggle at his expense from time to time. And remember, this too shall pass.