I'm Not Dead Yet

If you don't know me, I am the sort of person that likes to be busy. I like to have something on the go, something to plan, something to organise or just generally something to keep me busy.

Lately, I haven't had to go searching for anything. I have been that busy... some would say too busy and to a certain extent I agree. You only have to see me today, recovering from a stupid head cold to see that I have started listening to my body and it's need for a bit of a break, and maybe a bit more sleep.

Because of this busy-ness, my social life has suffered. And I thought that was OK because people would be supportive and understand the Why/How/What, etc and especially understand that it was for a good cause and for something I love. It turns out that this is not the case, and instead of feeling like I am being supported, I feel forgotten.

And it's sad. It makes me sad.

To feel like I don't exist, or I am not a part of someone's life anymore (or a lesser part), purely because I've been sidetracked over the last couple of months... it makes me sad.

I'm not dead yet.

I'm still here.

I am still the same person, I would still make time for you.

It may take a bit longer than usual to get a reply if you SMS me, but I still reply.
It may take a bit more of a date-setting situation in order for me to see you, but I will still see you.

It reminds me of that feeling when I had both of my children. When the excitement of a new baby wore off, the visitors stopped and I was sitting at home, alone, with a baby that slept. All. Day. Long. (Until he wakes which he then screams. All. Day. Long). Hubby was at work... so I had noone to talk to except randomly mumbling to the idiots on Judge Judy, Days of our Lives or even worse, Ready Steady Cook.

It was such a lonely time, but the best thing was I was able to see it was getting me down and I needed to get out of the house to save my own sanity. I did exactly that and it was brilliant. I learnt so much about myself and my need to get out of the house - cabin fever can strike so easily and it really gets me down... it becomes a rut that's difficult to get out of.

This week has been a great time for me to get back to my friends, and back into some form of routine.

I've started filling some of my newly found spare time with seeing those amazing, supportive and understanding friends that I am so thankful for.

The ones that have forgotten me? I don't have so much time for them.
I'm still the same person, but I have learnt to not make as much time for them.
Because the time I make for them, takes away from the time I could be spending with the ones I love and the ones that accept me for everything I am.

And those people are the ones I want to surround myself with.