I've had a really emotional day today. I've been my normal self, but there's been something niggling at me... and tonight it came out and I burst into tears.
I don't do crying. I'm not a good cryer - I feel ugly, pathetic and completely vulnerable.
And I don't like vulnerable.
You see, if things work out the way we 'want' them to, my husband (my rock and best friend) could be moving interstate at the end of the Financial Year. Without us. And while I know this must be SO much harder for him than it is me, it only hit me last night, when checking out my diary and realising that it's really only 5-weeks away.
He hasn't even got the job. He hasn't even been interviewed, but there's *something* in my gut that tells me that it could be. And it scares me.
My husband is wanting a career change, and has been looking for a FIFO job on the mines with what feels like a million other people for about 12-months now. Not even ONE interview. And we learnt as a result that securing a job is a lot like winning lotto... and it's a case of not 'what' you know, but 'who' you know.
Luckily, if that's really the word I should be using right now, our best man and one of hubby's closest mates works for a company in WA that has a Trade Upgrade Program. Something hubby needs (apparently), desperately, as he is only a Light Vehicle Mechanic. It's a 2-year (maybe less) program where he'll get his trade upgraded with a company that has contracts throughout the Mining Industry all over Australia. So really it's a great opportunity for him to get into his chosen career... but it still means he will be living in another state as it's a residential position only.
Moving as a family isn't an option. With Logan's issues (and therefore a need for him to be in a stable environment), and with my new business... it's just not possible.
He will come home and visit us when he can. Cries.
I really don't know how I am going to cope. I am tough and I know that I will, but my husband will be living in another state. Another freaking state. That's almost laughable when you think about it.
"Hey Megs, where's Cammo?"
"Oh ya know... in PERTH!"
"Hey Megs, when will you see Cammo"
"No freaking idea!"
But really, this bed is kinda big when there's just me in it :( It's kinda sad to think of having him not there next to me, snoring as I type my blog entries (such as right now), or have him wave at the kids through the window when he gets home every night. Or kiss me goodbye every morning.
But as a team, we agreed that this was the BEST (and at the moment the only) choice for us.
That in the long term it would pay off.
But my goodness I regret agreeing to it. I wish I could take it all back and just latch onto him and not let go. But he needs this.
He deserves this.
Do you read me, Karma people?! He DESERVES this. Give it to him.
Fingers crossed he gets the job x
ReplyDeleteMy husband works away from home , not interstate but Coober Pedy so too far (too expensive) to come home except for public holidays . The nights and weekends are the worst for me , but we get through it and I have my own little routine now ( which he messes up whenever he comes home LOL).
Keep busy !!